This Is The Life I Want

i want to feel the ease in my days. travel wherever i want to whenever i want with whomever i want. eat so many gooseberries my hair grows till the dip in my waist. feel pleasure without wanting to return the favor every time. not look at it as favor. feel deserving of the riches i receive. feel worthy of accepting gifts. slather body lotion and make my skin drip in squalene. glow from the inside and feel godly without an air about it. be innocent in giving. give graciously. i want to erupt in howls and send my laughter beyond the bald moon.

the lightness of the heart that comes with not needing to plan.

i want to feel deserving of the abundance I receive, worthy of all the gifts that come my way, accepting them without hesitation or doubt.

i want to say thank you without guilt. eat with both hands. nap without setting an alarm. forget what day it is because i’m too full of life to keep track. cry without needing to explain. stretch like a cat in a sunbeam.

i want to stop bargaining with joy.
stop earning rest.
stop shrinking when someone compliments me.
smile and say, i know.

i want to feel safe in softness. to slow down not out of exhaustion, but choice. to stop apologizing for the time it takes to become whole.

i want to wear the dress that makes me feel like a slice of mango.
feel the breeze kiss the back of my knees.
fall asleep knowing nothing is missing.

i want to live with the kind of ease that feels like honey
slow, sweet, golden and never once think it needs to be earned

notes on living lightly