I woke up with paint under my nails from the night before and a half-finished poem in my head.
This is the kind of morning where the sun feels like it’s watching you & the seven sister birds feel like they’re watching you & your toaster is watching you — waiting to see if you’ll do something from your to-do list or procrastinate & make more coffee. I made more coffee.
I’m 25 and I want too many things.
I want to run my business like a pro and write like a lunatic. I want to be still and stretch my body into strange shapes on a yoga mat, then chase every wild idea that crosses my mind. I want to edit other people’s words and still have time to write my own. I want a life that’s both disciplined and reckless. Order and art, deadlines and daydreams. I want a sunlit apartment & I want avocadoes & eggs every day. At some point I want cornrows.
I think I’m doing too much, but then I remember the alternative: doing nothing. And that scares me more. I’d rather be exhausted from trying than empty from standing still.
The house is quiet except for the scratching of my pen and the song from my grandmother’s bangles as she goes about her morning. There’s an occasional thud of a book hitting the floor when didi dusts the bookshelf. They’re stacked everywhere, toppling over. I wonder if my life looks mumbo-jumbo from the outside. Maybe it is. But inside, there’s a method to the madness. I edit a client’s essay and it makes me want to write a poem. I write a poem and it reminds me to roll out my yoga mat. The movement feeds the stillness. The stillness feeds the words. It all circles back.
Sometimes I wish I could just pick one thing. Be one thing. But then who would I be when I’m tired of it? No — I’ll keep the mess. The hobbies, the business, the books with their dog-eared pages and their half-finished thoughts. I’ll keep the paint under my nails and the endless wanting. It’s what makes me feel alive.
I think the sun approves.
What’s something you love doing, even if you never finish it?
Are you more of a “one thing at a time” person or a “try everything” person?
Thank you for reading — whether you like, share, or subscribe, or slip away. I’m grateful you spent a little time here. Regardless of the outcome I thank myself for writing it. If this piece made you smile, think, or feel something real, the best way to support my work is by becoming a paid subscriber. Not ready to go steady? No worries, you can still chip in with a one-time tip on my Ko-fi page.
I love you
See you next Wednesday 🧡
You are doing great Mohika! And you will continue to do great! I wish you more and more positive and happy days!! 🌻🙌🏻
Had a morning which wasn't easy and then once it all settled, read this. Felt good.
You and your words make Wednesday's a little better :)