Don't try to fix what's not broken

The myth of constant improvement

Every time I hit rock bottom, I unlock a new level of low. It goes deeper, feels worse, and simply sucks. I've become the person who wakes up and mindlessly ticks off her to-do list. Day after day. Sometimes joylessly. Even though the work gets done, I don't feel accomplished. I feel drained, depleted, and constantly chasing the next task. I put no intention—or very little attention—towards feeling good while doing things I'm supposed to do.

And boy, I’ve spiraled.

Why am I not feeling happy?
Am I doing the wrong things?

In an attempt to do everything under the sky, I'd end up feeling nothingness. A gaping hole in my chest.

You'd ask, "Why would you do anything if it doesn't bring you joy?"

If only it were that simple!

Language learning brings me joy. Meditating on my olive mat brings me joy. Morning vinyasas bring me joy. Breathwork and kirtan bring me joy. Making eggs and coffee brings me joy. Learning Facebook ads brings me joy. Reading four books at a time brings me joy. Scribbling around dried flowers in my journal—joy.

I'm doing things I really love and still feeling so unhappy! Like a broken remote or an old, cracked-up radio, my self-talk gets real shitty sometimes. I end up judging myself for judging myself.

Ooof, girl, you're being so hard on yourself. Take it easy! Relaxxxx.

How? HOW?

Chasing Joy

Over the years, I've heard my father harp on this phrase one too many times, "Mo, don't try to fix what's not broken," and perhaps I've never understood what it means. Theoretically, of course, I understand it. But practically, whoooosh, it flies over me.

What does that even mean?!?!
Don't try to fix what's not broken.

Well, why would I even attempt to change something if I didn't think it needed fixing? Perhaps the way a curtain falls, all parallel. Perhaps the painting on the wall. The drawing in my notebook. A journal entry I've edited twelve times until it no longer resembles the first draft. The way I peel oranges, thinking there's a right and wrong way. How my brand's website looks.

Shit.

It's not just the outside world; it's the inside world too. I've been doing this to myself.

Being on the move. Changing seasons. Hairstyles. Boyfriends. Rearranging my room every week. Dressing so differently you'd think I am two different people. Shifting pots and plants. A new language every year. A different teacher for my practice. Never staying in one place for too long, like there are hot stones under my feet, shuffling between left and right toes. All the time. Never resting. Never breathing. Go, go, go.

And I'm wondering why I'm so unhappy???

Hahahaha, isn't that funny! I don't even allow joy to seep into me. Let it sit a bit. Assimilate. I don't even stay in savasana for long—god forbid the next activity waits five more minutes! How will I feel light if I don't open the gates to let out steam? How will I relax if I'm always moving?

No shit, Sherlock, you’ve got to take a beat.

Please don't put "do nothing" on your to-do list. Yup, you've tried, and it doesn't work at all. You wouldn't be able to wait for the “do-nothing” time to be over so you can finally do something again. Sheesh!

Sit your butt down.

What does the phrase "don't try to fix what's not broken" mean to you? Have you ever struggled with being too hard on yourself despite doing things you enjoy? What strategies have you found helpful in these situations?

I’ll see you soon!
Love, Mo 🫂🧡

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