Some people care and if they can, sometimes even if they can’t, they will always be there. Some are friends, some associates. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who is who till these moments. The poem reminded me of a quite horrific period in my life. A few years back now, but a time of the deepest lessons. What followed and what continues to follow is a deepening appreciation of impermanence. That changeless change. The forever now. This period of time….. up till the 21st December is according to certain belief systems a period of chaos. It will pass.
My condolences and am sorry to hear those you consider friends were unable to be there for you in this time of grief. People have different values, messages get lost and no one feels your pain the way you do. No one feels what is of importance the same way you do. I love the poem and how it brought something serious and tender out of a somewhat comical situation. You gravitated to the seriousness of it and how it alerted you to compose this poem. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for the mention.
I am terrible with condolences. It took me nearly a month to call a friend (hiding behind the excuse of different time zones) on her mother's passing. When my other close friend's mother passed away, I went to her place for less than an hour. Then brought her flowers few days later. Some of us think it may be overwhelming for the grieving person to receive so many visitors. Culturally too, many believe it's best to show up but leave early to give space to the grieving. I am not posting this comment here to negate how you felt but just trying to speak for the other side :) Also, I wouldn't have posted a comment here had I not read your sweetest note encouraging your readers to drop one.
I remember the ones who didn't bother to call when my father passed away. Even when I wasn't able to answer many calls or call back, it mattered to me that people bothered. Every call, every message, every visit mattered. I remind myself to show up despite how awful I feel. And my awkwardness is not because I can't handle uncomfortable emotions, it's mainly because I feel nothing I do or say will affect the grieving. How contradictory we can be, no?
Sanobar, I really appreciate you sharing this. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we have to be perfect in our condolences, that we need to say or do the right thing. But what you said about showing up, even when it’s awkward or imperfect. Just knowing someone is there matters more than we realize.
I think it’s beautiful that you remind yourself to show up, even when it feels hard. That’s how we all need to be with each other.
We don’t have to have the answers. Just showing up, even with our own discomfort, can be the most healing thing. Thank you for your kindness and your thoughtful words. Sending you warmth and healing, too. 💛
I guess that is the learning, right? That we just need to keep going even with the discomfort! Im in my 40s - only learning this now lol Thank you for sharing your grief so generously, Mohika and making space for our not so glamorous experiences.
It is so hard to say goodbye to the ones we love… till next time is so much better to ease the pain, at least that is for me. Ten days is very early in the new normal. This thought came to me 11 years ago.
…with friends, we laugh, we cry, and we laugh again
Sending love to you, Mo. Your poem and contemplations surface from a place of grief and honesty. This makes your words all the more felt. Grief is such an all-over-the-place processing of feelings and just getting them out, or on paper, is a step in healing the deep sorrow of loss. Prayers for you, for comfort and peace. Big hugs from here, whenever you need them. Love to you, dear friend. ~Wendy💜🙏
Some people care and if they can, sometimes even if they can’t, they will always be there. Some are friends, some associates. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who is who till these moments. The poem reminded me of a quite horrific period in my life. A few years back now, but a time of the deepest lessons. What followed and what continues to follow is a deepening appreciation of impermanence. That changeless change. The forever now. This period of time….. up till the 21st December is according to certain belief systems a period of chaos. It will pass.
Sending you so much love Mo!!
Feeling it!
So sorry for your family‘s loss. And the ache that you feel from your friends, lack of sympathy.❤️
Thank you for your kind words, Kathleen!
My condolences and am sorry to hear those you consider friends were unable to be there for you in this time of grief. People have different values, messages get lost and no one feels your pain the way you do. No one feels what is of importance the same way you do. I love the poem and how it brought something serious and tender out of a somewhat comical situation. You gravitated to the seriousness of it and how it alerted you to compose this poem. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for the mention.
Great poem!
I am terrible with condolences. It took me nearly a month to call a friend (hiding behind the excuse of different time zones) on her mother's passing. When my other close friend's mother passed away, I went to her place for less than an hour. Then brought her flowers few days later. Some of us think it may be overwhelming for the grieving person to receive so many visitors. Culturally too, many believe it's best to show up but leave early to give space to the grieving. I am not posting this comment here to negate how you felt but just trying to speak for the other side :) Also, I wouldn't have posted a comment here had I not read your sweetest note encouraging your readers to drop one.
I remember the ones who didn't bother to call when my father passed away. Even when I wasn't able to answer many calls or call back, it mattered to me that people bothered. Every call, every message, every visit mattered. I remind myself to show up despite how awful I feel. And my awkwardness is not because I can't handle uncomfortable emotions, it's mainly because I feel nothing I do or say will affect the grieving. How contradictory we can be, no?
I wish you healing, Mo.
Sanobar, I really appreciate you sharing this. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we have to be perfect in our condolences, that we need to say or do the right thing. But what you said about showing up, even when it’s awkward or imperfect. Just knowing someone is there matters more than we realize.
I think it’s beautiful that you remind yourself to show up, even when it feels hard. That’s how we all need to be with each other.
We don’t have to have the answers. Just showing up, even with our own discomfort, can be the most healing thing. Thank you for your kindness and your thoughtful words. Sending you warmth and healing, too. 💛
I guess that is the learning, right? That we just need to keep going even with the discomfort! Im in my 40s - only learning this now lol Thank you for sharing your grief so generously, Mohika and making space for our not so glamorous experiences.
'they don’t wail, they watch,' the whole poem pivots on this line for me. So powerful, I can feel it in my bones..
It is so hard to say goodbye to the ones we love… till next time is so much better to ease the pain, at least that is for me. Ten days is very early in the new normal. This thought came to me 11 years ago.
…with friends, we laugh, we cry, and we laugh again
I still keep this mind.
thank you, i'm writing this down so i remember it :)
Sending love to you, Mo. Your poem and contemplations surface from a place of grief and honesty. This makes your words all the more felt. Grief is such an all-over-the-place processing of feelings and just getting them out, or on paper, is a step in healing the deep sorrow of loss. Prayers for you, for comfort and peace. Big hugs from here, whenever you need them. Love to you, dear friend. ~Wendy💜🙏
Feeling your blessings & love, Wendy! Thank you for being here!
hang tough, mo…grief is natural and has its own strange beauty (i hope you see it) 🙏
Hey Seamus, thanks for being in this space. I'm trying to 🧡