Have you been brushing your teeth, twice?

Dental hell & a new poem!

For as long as I could remember, visiting doctors had been a source of anxiety for me. The sterile smell of antiseptic, the intimidating rows of medical equipment, the ominous hum of fluorescent lights - god save me.

So naturally, the thought of going to the dentist made me want to run for the hills. You see, my cursed gag reflex awakens at the mere sight of a dental instrument. And the fat numbing injections might as well be my kryptonite.

After four long years of dodging appointments like a seasoned dodgeball player, I couldn't ignore the agonizing pain in my jaw any longer. My wisdom tooth was wreaking havoc, causing headaches that could rival a hangover from hell. It was time to face the music, or in this case, the dental chair.

On our way, my stomach tied up in knots & waves of panic washed over me.

As I sat tapping my foot in the waiting room, I wondered how it had come to this. How had I let my dental health deteriorate to such a dire state? Soon consequences of my negligence were laid out before me.

A grim menu: a definite root canal on the right, a potential root canal on the left, two fillings, one extraction followed by an implant, and the grand finale – the removal of my wisdom tooth. A dental apocalypse, and I was at ground zero.

yup, that’s me. writing this newsletter in my head. jk I was gagging at the injection.

& so it begins

The dental assistant approached with a syringe the size of a torpedo, ready to administer the dreaded numbing injection. "Just a little pinch," she said with a smile that did little to quell my rising panic. The needle plunged into my gums, more like a javelin piercing my soul.

"Open wide," the dentist commanded, brandishing a metal hook that looked more suited for deep-sea fishing than oral hygiene. I complied. "You're doing great," she reassured me, oblivious to the internal turmoil raging within me. "Great for whom?" I wanted to retort, but my tongue was lead weight in my mouth.

"You're almost there," she said cheerfully, as if I were about to cross the finish line of a marathon. I didn’t believe her.

All this while it was my sister who stepped up to the plate, asking all the questions I was too afraid to voice. She listened intently as the doctor explained the treatment plan, absorbing every word. A sponge. & thank god because it all flew over my head.

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I’m absolutely okay today. The pain in my jaw is gone. I have a brand new fake tooth. I rinse my mouth after every meal. I have changed my toothpaste and toothbrush to what the dentist suggested. Some fancier version of the same stuff, but more expensive. But definitely bye bye to Colgate. I don’t mind that. I have 4 more dental procedures pending but I’m calmer. Prepared for round to next month on the left side on my jaw.

What I know now that I didn’t know before

1. The importance of regular dental check-ups. Neglecting your health is playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette with your body. You really want to not do that.

2. Secondly, I understood the power of mindset. While I had built up this dental appointment in my mind to be a living nightmare, the reality wasn't quite as terrifying. Yes, it was uncomfortable and at times downright painful, but it wasn't the end of the world.

3. Your thoughts have the power to transform even the most daunting of experiences into something manageable.

I walked out from the dental clinic battered and bruised, but wiser with a swollen right side.

If you're here reading this & also dreading your next trip to the dentist, take it from me – it's better to face your fears head-on than to let them fester and grow into something truly monstrous.

I offer these words of advice: Lean on those you love, for their support can be the difference between drowning in fear and rising above it.

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A question poem

In the morning, how do you gulp your coffee down?
Is it a jolt to kickstart your day or a slow sip to savor the bitter tang?

Are your shirts just shirts, or do they carry the weight of your world?

At night, what keeps you awake?
Are you haunted by regrets or tangled up in dreams of what could've been?

What drags you under, what keeps you afloat?

Does your head pound like a drumbeat or ache like a bruise?
How many times do you pluck at your skin,
trying to rid yourself of the messiness of life?

Under the hot spray of your shower,
do you find clarity or get lost in the steam?

How many moments of pleasure do you grasp onto,
even if just for a moment?

And with each inhale and exhale,
do you feel the steady rhythm of life pulsing through your veins,
a reminder that you are here, you are alive, and you are enough?

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Substack's been a hell of a ride lately. Can't seem to tear myself away from it. So, I figured, why not throw in a little somethin' extra for you at the end of each newsletter?

These are the pieces that have caught my eye, stirred something in me. Maybe they'll do the same for you. You know, inspire you to grab life by the throat, find the grit within, and maybe even crack a smile at the madness of it all.

• Both Joyful and Killjoy, from

  Alicia Kennedy

• Is Instagram holding me back? : Marloes De Vries’s take on ditching instagram as a writer.

• The beauty and grace of walking by Matthew Gutierrez. Such an inspiring read.

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  This month’s top performing newsletters:

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