I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart

To you; for sneezing 59 years around the sun

Today's special. It's your 59th birthday, and as the sun starts its journey, I can't help but think about you. About all you've been through, about all you are.

Growing old, it's weird, right? You get lines and stuff, but you also get wiser. Mom, you're like wine, getting better with time. You've taught me loads. Like how to take life by its horns, find joy in little things, and be strong when things get rough.

We've had our ups and downs, yeah. But through it all, you've been my rock. You're the life of the party, always ready to laugh and dance. And when things get tough, you're right there with a hug, even for humans who aren't family.

You've taught me how to squeeze lemon juice without the seeds. Patiently smiling as you watched my little fingers catch lemon seeds as lime juice passed between them. A hand strainer. I have learnt to line my waterline like warriors, thick kohl rimmed eyes because we're all fighting some battle. Might as well do it in style. And to dress my best, regardless of the occasion, every single day without fail. Whatever version of myself I can present to the world, pristine and ladylike or oversized baggy bottoms, with my A-game on the table. I have learnt to walk into big rooms with my chin up and shoulders rolled back, with courage and curiosity. No matter the person I speak to. No matter the difficulty of the day. To be truthful and to let it out. No bottled up emotions in the pressure cooker of my mind. Just share it. Everything feels better when shared. Especially worry. I have seen you to be a boss lady in the day, but come night fall, you're a simple wife who wants to spend quality time playing a round of rummy with her father and cook a lip-smacking meal for all of us.

Best meal of this entire month. Make your own burrito bowls.

I have learnt from you, (and Michelle Obama) that, everyone on earth carries an unseen history, and that alone deserves some tolerance. Mom, I want you to know something. I see you. I see the sacrifices you've made, the dreams you've let go, and all the love you've given our family.

I would like to credit my gift of writing to you. My words to you. & the freedom of expression to you. If it wasn't for you I don't think I'd have written a single poem, let alone a poetry collection.

'No mud, no lotus' as the saying goes - but it's true. I associate mud with discomfort and lotus with reward. You made me comfortable with putting myself in uncomfortable situations. Be it an author's workshop on my 17th birthday, with everyone being above 40 years in the room, or on stage for my undergrad - where I became Lily Singh - & did a whole-ass skit in front of complete strangers & to-be classmates, especially when I didn't have a single funny bone inside my body. Comedy isn't exactly my strong suit but you encouraged me to give it a try anyway. I came second & confident to put myself out there.

Vulnerability is hard. & being vulnerable is uncomfortable too. But it’s the only way you can be in the world. You can hardly honestly connect with anything or anyone if you’re not vulnerable. When you allow yourself to go through discomfort with grace, you learn to grown.

Thanks to you, I've been able to share my writing with the world in ways I never thought possible. From performing poetry in quiet classrooms to sharing my thoughts and feelings in public, writing has become my lifeline, my way of making sense of the world around me - but it'd never happen if I didn't have the courage to put pen to paper & bleed.

There are many tools I now have that help me lean into the joy & pain of everyday life versus numbing it out - writing is one of them. You helped me realise that the world isn't set for doom. Nothing's out to get me. I can be free. I can be me. & people who love me, will accept me as I am. They will help me out of the pits I fall into. Be my backbone, starting with you. There is nothing to fear. Life is uncertain, but that's the beauty of it. If we knew everything that was ever going to happen, would it even spark joy within us when it did? Would we be as excited about upcoming trips or birthday gifts? Would we learn to grieve? Would we truly feel pain? or loss? Not knowing what's about to happen is a huge gift.

---

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

A list of simple, but valuable lessons I carry:

• Sometimes we get so caught up in chasing after the wrong things, we forget to stop and smell the damn roses.

• When you're walking down the street with someone, make sure you're the one closest to the curb. It's a metaphor. Life's a dangerous game, and sometimes you take the hit for the ones you love.

• The secret to happiness? It isn't money or fame. It's kindness. So tip your server at the restaurant, and while you're at it, toss a few bucks in the hat of a street musician. They're out there pouring their soul into their art, and the least you can do is show some genuine appreciation.

• Beauty's in the eye of the beholder. Be it a dead branch in a heap of leaves, a single purple tree in the city, or your daughter’s face full of acne. So make the choices that feel right to you, whether they're pretty or not.

• At the end of the day, life's too short to waste on anything less than what sets your soul on fire.

  “Happiness doesn’t come from searching, only by living.”
  - Old Finnish saying

Please feel free to share parts of this newsletter that connect with you on social media or send to someone you love. You sharing my work helps my words & work reach more people!

And lastly, my favorite poem of all time - dedicated to you.

from sugarboo & co.

Nature is brimming with poetry, if you just take the time to listen. This 9-page guide offers everything you need to dive into the beauty of nature with a poet’s eye. From choosing the right location to engaging all five senses, this guide will help you unlock the writing potential hidden in leaves, birdsongs, and morning dew. Bonus resources included for even more inspiration!

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